We're Trying to Ground Our Identity in the Sun Instead of the SON

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Hello everyone

I need to apologize.

It's been weeks since I've shown up here, and honestly? I've been avoiding it. Not because I didn't care. Not because I forgot about you. But because I've been drowning, and I didn't know how to tell you that while also trying to be the guy who's supposed to have answers.

Christmas hit different this year. New Year's felt heavy instead of hopeful. Work has been a grind. Home has been... a lot. And somewhere in the middle of trying to keep all the plates spinning, I realized I was white-knuckling my way through life instead of actually living it.

I was so busy trying to be something that I forgot whose I was.

And that's exactly what I need to talk to you about today. Because I had this moment - one of those 2am, can't sleep, staring at the ceiling kind of moments - where something clicked that I can't shake. And if it hit me this hard, I have a feeling you might need to hear it too.

So we're back. I'm back. And I'm bringing something with me that's been chewing on my heart for weeks.

Open your Bible to Genesis 1 for a second. Verse 3.

Day one. God speaks, and there's light. Simple enough, right?

Now jump to verse 14.

Day four. That's when He makes the sun.

Wait. Back up.

Light on day one. Sun on day four.

I've read Genesis more times than I can count, and somehow I always glossed right over that. Like yeah, sure, light first, sun later, whatever - let's get to the good stuff with Adam and Eve.

But recently someone asked me a question that stopped me cold: "if God made light on day one, what was the light? The sun wasn't there yet."

And I didn't have an answer.

So I sat with it. And the more I sat with it, the more it unraveled me.

Here's what wrecked me:

We spend our entire lives thinking the sun is the light.

I mean, of course we do, right? We wake up, we look outside, we see that massive burning ball in the sky doing its thing, and we think "yep, there it is - that's what's lighting up the world."

But God said something different.

God said: "I made light first. Then four days later, I made something to carry it."

The sun isn't the source. It's the delivery system.

In Hebrew, the word used for the sun and moon is me'orot - "light-holders." Not light-makers. Not light-sources.

Holders.

The sun doesn't generate light from nothing. It reflects something. It carries something. It distributes something that already existed before it showed up.

And here's where I felt it in my chest:

I've been doing the exact same thing with my identity.

Think about the last time someone asked you: "So, what do you do?"

You know the question. We all know the question. It's the first thing people ask when they meet you.

And what do we say?

"I work in insurance."
"I'm in sales."
"I'm a manager."

We answer with our job. Our title. Our role.

We finish the sentence "I am" with what we produce.

And listen - I get it. I'm not saying your work doesn't matter. I've spent years in the claims world. I know what it's like to take pride in what you do, to find meaning in solving problems and helping people.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing my job as something I do and started seeing it as something I am.

And when work got hard? When I didn't get the promotion? When I felt like I was failing, like I wasn't performing at the level I should be?

I felt like I was failing at being me.

Because I built my identity on the sun instead of the Light.

Let me show you what I mean.

Exodus 3. Moses is standing at the burning bush - which, side note, is wild imagery in itself. A bush that's on fire but not burning up. Light without a source consuming it.

God tells Moses to go back to Egypt and lead His people out of slavery. Moses, understandably terrified, says "Okay but... who do I say sent me? What's Your name?"

And God answers:

I AM.

Not "I am the God who does this thing." Not "I am the one who accomplished that." Just... I AM.

Period. Full stop. No qualifier. No addition.

That becomes God's name. His identity. And it's not tied to what He does. It's not based on performance or production or proving anything.

It just... is.

And then I think about how many times a day I say "I am" and finish it with something that can be taken away.

"I am a claims guy."
Until I get laid off.

"I am a good provider."
Until I can't pay the bills.

"I am successful."
Until I fail.

"I am valuable because I'm productive."
Until I burn out trying to generate light that was never mine to create in the first place.

Do you see it?

We're grounding our identity in the sun.

And brother, the sun is just a vessel. It was never meant to hold the weight of your worth.

I felt this recently in a way I couldn't ignore.

I was having one of those weeks where everything felt like it was going wrong. Work was a mess. Money was tight. I snapped at Loren over something stupid. I felt like I was failing at every role I'm supposed to fill - husband, father, provider, leader, ministry guy.

And I remember sitting in my truck in the FedEx parking lot before my shift, just... empty. Staring at the steering wheel thinking "I don't even know who I am anymore."

And that's when it hit me.

I didn't know who I was because I'd built my entire sense of self on what I do. And when I felt like I was doing it all poorly? I had nothing left to stand on.

I was the sun trying to generate my own light. And I was burning out.

Here's where it all comes together, and I need you to stay with me because this is the part that put me back together:

John 8:12.

Jesus stands up in the middle of a crowd and says:

Not "I reflect the light."
Not "I carry the light."

"I AM the light."

The same I AM from Exodus.
The same Light from Genesis 1.

Jesus is saying: "I'm not the sun. I'm not the vessel. I'm the Source. I'm the Light that existed before God said 'let there be light' - because I'm the Word that spoke it into being."

A few verses later, the religious leaders are losing their minds over this claim. And Jesus says:

"Before Abraham was, I AM."

Not "I was." I AM. Present tense. Eternal. Uncreated.

He's the Light. He's the I AM. He's the SON.

And here's what I'm learning, slowly, painfully, in the middle of all this mess:

I've been trying to ground my identity in the sun instead of the SON.

I've been looking at my job, my performance, my ability to provide and produce and be something - all these temporary, created things - and saying "this is who I am."

But those things were never meant to be the source. They're vessels. They're meant to carry something greater.

John 15:5. Jesus says it plain:

The branch doesn't make the fruit. It carries what flows from the vine.

You're not the source, brother.

You're the vessel.

And when we forget that - when we start believing we have to generate our own light, our own worth, our own identity - we burn out. Every single time.

So here's what I'm trying to do differently. And I'm not gonna lie to you - it's hard. It goes against every instinct I have as a man who's been taught that your value is what you produce.

But I'm learning to stop finishing "I am" with what I do.

Because God is I AM.

And I am His.

That's it. That's the only identity statement that can't be stripped away by a bad quarter, a layoff, a failure, a diagnosis, a season where I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.

The sun will burn out one day.
Your job will end.
Your role will change.
Your performance will fluctuate.

But the SON? The true Light? The great I AM?

He was there before any of it. And He'll be there after it's all gone.

I don't have this figured out, man. I'm writing this as much for me as I am for you.

But I know this: I'm tired of basing my worth on how well I'm performing. I'm tired of feeling like I'm failing at being me when really I'm just failing at being the sun.

I was never supposed to be the sun.

I'm supposed to be a vessel. Held by the Vine. Filled with Light that isn't mine to make but is mine to carry.

And so are you.

So let's do this together. Let's renew our minds. Let's think dapper - not by performing better, but by remembering whose we are.

Welcome back, brothers. I really did miss you.

Let's get after it.

And remember Think Dapper Live Dapper.

One more thing before you go.

If you're reading this and something stirred in you - if you felt that hollow ache of recognition, that "yeah, I've been doing that too" moment - I want you to know you're not alone in this.

And if you're sitting there realizing you've been running on empty, trying to be the sun when you were only ever meant to carry the Light... maybe it's time to stop running.

If you're ready to find your identity in Christ instead of your performance - if you're tired of basing your worth on what you produce - I want to walk that road with you.

If you need prayer, if you need someone to talk to, if you just need to know that someone else gets it and won't judge you for admitting you're struggling...

Reach out to me: [email protected]

I'm not a pastor. I'm not a theologian. I'm just a brother who's been exactly where you are, who's still figuring this out myself, and who knows what it's like to need someone in your corner.

So if you need that today - I'm here.

Let's walk this out together.

Nick
The Dapper Mind Society